The Pink Elephant in the Room

Last night as I was trying to fall asleep, my mind was racing and I thought about writing this post.  It's the first post I've consciously thought about writing and started scripting out in my head.  Granted I'm not sure how much I'll remember of what how I wanted to phrase things but I'll give it a go.

If you were here with me, I'd say "Let's get a cup of coffee and chat".  I already have my Dunkin Donuts, so get yours and let's dive in. 

D-E-P-R-E-S-S-I-O-N

" a psychoneurotic or psychotic disorder marked especially by sadness, inactivity, difficulty in thinking and concentration, a significant increase or decrease in appetite and time spent sleeping, feelings of dejection and hopelessness, and sometimes suicidal tendencies" From Merriam-Webster Dictionary

Yes, it's a scary word and no one like to talk about it much like the pink elephant in the room.  But I'm braving the scary world and am going to talk about it.  

Hello, my name is Kristen and I suffer from depression.  No, I'm not sad all the time.  No, I do not have suicidal thoughts.  No, there is no medicine that will make me "happy".  You may certainly not ask me if I've taken my medicines because I'm upset.  I can be upset without it being because of depression.  Yes, I try to do things that will improve my physical health and raise my level of endorphin.

Sure, I have good days and bad days and sometimes I feel completely lost in a sea of emotions but mostly I just live my life every day trying to stay positive, enjoy the experiences and manage my body, including the depression, as best I can.  

One day while visiting with a doctor, I was asking about the various medicines out there and the way they help someone with depression.  The doctor explained to me that there are no magic happy pills that the commercials would have you believe.  The medicine that we were talking about was meant to "even the ship out" so that instead of "feeling like you were swaying with waves, you would feel a little more even keel".  I've always enjoyed that description and it's given me a sense of calm when trying to understand why I need to continue taking medicine.  

I'm not sure why I needed to write it and maybe I'll never hit publish but I do know that it was important for me to put it in writing. For anyone else out there, suffering through anything at all, I hope you find comfort, security and safety.